


Jeff deserves a reward for dealing with this

by inconsequentia



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Flirting, Humor, M/M, NHL Player Eric "Bitty" Bittle, POV Outsider
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-14 23:04:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21023702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inconsequentia/pseuds/inconsequentia
Summary: Jeff knew he was going to regret his own existence as soon as Parse started talking a little too much about the Ace’s new winger. It had been understandable that he had been nervous about his ex’s ex showing up to play on their team, but his anxious word vomit quickly became what Jeff had come to recognize as a warning sign.





	Jeff deserves a reward for dealing with this

**Author's Note:**

> was procrastinating and saw [this](https://bisexualdinahlance.tumblr.com/post/153675617370/bitty-insults-kent-kent-swoons-swoops-how) and.... even more procrastination ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Jeff knew he was going to regret his own existence as soon as Parse started talking a little too much about the Ace’s new winger. It had been understandable that he had been nervous about his ex’s ex showing up to play on their team, but his anxious word vomit quickly became what Jeff had come to recognize as a warning sign.

The problem-it’s not really a problem except that it is a lot of the time- is that Parse has a nasty habit of falling head over heels in puppy love with any man who is willing to take him down a peg and let him know it. He’s seen this happen plenty of time already, but never with a teammate. 

The worst part is that there isn’t going to be a convenient gradual fading of feelings after the first meeting because Bitty is always around. Usually, Parse is surrounded by staff, team, or fans that are too starry-eyed for a Stanley Cup-winning captain to call him out on his bullshit. With Bitty added to that roster, Jeff is sure everything is going to go downhill fast.

Jeff’s fears are proved correct the first time Kent stops what he’s doing on the ice- not in the middle of an actual drill thank fuck- to lean on his stick and sigh happily when Bitty viciously chirps him. He’s a hot mess and lucky that Jeff is there to make sure his pathetic ass can still function around their team.

Jeff isn’t sure if Bitty has noticed yet, but he’s sure it’s going to happen tonight if Kent keeps acting like Bitty is the sun and he is actively trying to be blinded. They’re at a bar with the team after a home game win, and Kent has bought Bitty’s last three drinks. They’ve all been ridiculously colorful and fruity, the way Kent likes them, which has led to Parse trying to snag sips of them, probably unconsciously to get Bitty to scold him.

Bitty is falling into Parse’s trap and playfully slapping Kent’s hands away every time he tries, which only emboldens him. It’s sickeningly flirtatious, and Parse is damn lucky he’s out to the team because Jeff isn’t even sure he’s aware how punch-drunk he looks staring at Bitty every time he gives him a scrap of attention.

Parse is universally acknowledged to be a bit of an attention whore, but he gets even worse when he likes a guy. Jeff has acted as semi-reluctant wingman enough times to know how he gets. When it’s just for a one night stand, Kent is just his normal flashy self, but if he so much as has a conversation with the dude at the bar and something clicks a little bit, he’s ready to pull pigtails like he never learned how to flirt past kindergarten.

He’s certainly pulling pigtails with Bitty. He’s been chirping everything from the choice in drinks Kent has ordered for him to the way he’s dressed. He’s so utterly hypocritical it’s almost funny.

When Kent gets drunk enough to start actually pawing at Bitty’s bicep, he decides to take his inglorious captain to take a cab home. If Kent hasn’t even gotten it through his head sober that he’s got a crush on the rookie, Jeff isn’t going to let him fuck up while drunk. Jeff is such a good friend. He helps himself to Kent’s fridge as a reward.

When Kent finally realizes what’s driving his unknowing flirting and swooning, he comes to Jeff to have a crisis about it. Jeff’s gotten quite used to Kent’s minor crisis patterns, so he lets him tire himself out by ranting at him while Jeff catches up on other sports. Kent’s pacing a hole in his carpet while Jeff is mostly focussed on ESPN on his tv.

“I can’t do this to him. I used to date his ex or whatever we did. He probably hates me.” Jeff scoffs at this-he’s listening enough to drag Kent back if he spirals too much. He doubts Bitty hates Kent. At most he’s mildly annoyed, at best he flirts back most of the time.

“No, he probably does. His first impression of me was when I lashed out at Jack at that one party. Now I have a crush on him? That’s kind of pathetic.” Jeff snorts at his self-awareness, “Shut up. I can’t do anything about this, but he’s still just a rookie so I can’t start treating him differently.” 

Realization dawns on his face, “I’ve already been doing that. I’ve probably been ruining his beginning in the NHL.” 

Jeff laughs. “I don’t think your weak attempts at flirting could do that much.”

Kent whines. “But I’m meant to be his captain.” That is the first legitimate concern he’s had.

“You are his captain,” Jeff placates, “but you’ve also only been flirting with him by acting like a child so he’ll pay attention to you. It’s more funny than it is creepy. He doesn’t seem concerned.”

“But how do I stop without him noticing and thinking I hate him or he’s been doing something wrong?” Kent stops pacing and flings himself on to the couch Jeff’s sitting on. Thank god for a hockey player’s salary and big couches. Kent’s small enough to chirp about his height, but he’s still an NHL player.

“I don’t know, dude. Maybe just ask him out. I don’t think he’d quit hockey if you did. He might even say yes. I have less than zero experience with this.”

“I can’t do that. He would never say yes and then I’m stuck having asked out a teammate who hates me and I still have to play with him.”

Jeff doesn’t have any more advice, so he just magnanimously lets Kent whine for the rest of the night on his couch. He uses Kent’s card for take-out as payment.

Bitty’s actually the first one to say anything. It’s an absolute fucking power move, and Jeff is never gonna let Kent live it down. 

They barely won in overtime, and Kent is doing his “I'm not flirting that would be unprofessional I'm going to ignore my growing crush on my teammate until I die but I'm still going to flirt with him because he might feel sad if I treat him differently and I might die if he frowns I'm totally not finding an excuse to continue to get his attention” schtick he’s been clinging to since the revelation and whine time at Jeff’s expense (though it was Kent’s monetarily. Jeff’s not ashamed)

Bitty decides to finally respond to Kent’s perpetual flirt chirping. 

“Maybe if you take me out for dinner you’ll spend less time staring at me instead of practicing and we won’t have to go into overtime. Reserve something expensive tomorrow at nine. Pick me up. You’re paying.” What a fucking legend.

Immediately after that, he takes his gear and walks out of the locker room head held high. He doesn’t even have to do press tonight, so he isn’t going to deal with the aftermath of his words. Genious.

The lockerroom absolutely explodes as soon as the door swings shut.

“Holy shit dude. If you date him, you’re gonna be whipped.” Someone shouts.

“Have you seen his heart eyes? He already is.”

Kent is staring at Bitty’s cubby dumbfounded. Jeff is raiding Parse’s secret snack stash in anticipation of the fallout of this. Go Bitty.


End file.
